Junior Quarterback Clarence Howard will make his first start Saturday against USC. The mormon QB was brought on to fill a spot on the roster while Brent Robinson redshirted. It is the biggest game of his life, and the biggest threat to Arizona’s record Pac Ten winning streak.

Riverdale Palm Trees: Hi Clarence, how are you?

Clarence Howard: To be honest, I’m pretty nervous.

RPT: About the interview?

CH: About everything!!

RPT: Well, how do you usually calm down?

CH: Book of Mormon does me right.

RPT: Well, why not read that now?

CH: I think the chapter on the USC defense is missing. I went to Temple to talk about it, but nobody can give me advice about reading a cover two defense.

RPT: Jason Weaver and Justin Abdullah never got this nervous.

CH: really? What did they do to calm down?

RPT: Hmmm, mostly they hooked up with slutty white girls.

CH: Hmmm, really? Did it work?

RPT: Three Heismans between them. You tell me?

CH: So are you telling me that the way to calm down and beat USC is to hook up with those girls from Coronado?

RPT: I’m not telling you what to do. I am saying that this is the highest profile you’ve ever been, and probably ever will be. This is your chance.

CH: I wonder what the faith would say?

RPT: Well, a long time ago they believed in polygamy, so based on sound reasoning, I think that Joseph Smith would tell you to score with as many girls as you can, while you can.

CH: That sort of sounds right.

RPT: Joseph Smith or Jason Weaver? I can’t remember who said it. Either way, it’s sound advice.

CH: So what now?

RPT: I’m going to hand you this phone number. It was given to me by Jason Weaver, he told me to pass it on to anyone who needed a good time.

CH: Is it a whore house?

RPT: Sorority House.

CH: Which one

RPT: (omitted)

CH: Nice.