New York, NY - Redwood Haynes was not invited to the Heisman Ceremony in spite of finishing the season with over 2000 yards and 30 touchdowns. Many speculate the snub was due to Haynes strong environmental beliefs and the Heisman’s strong connections to car manufacturers (in recent years it has been sponsored by Suzuki and Nissan).
“You’re damn right I would have said something,” said Haynes in an interview. “I would have said this trophy perpetuates one driver one car, unsustainable growth, a lack of support for public transportation, and the growth of gated communities. It also has done untold damage to our environment and our health. I spit on the Heisman trophy until it gets it’s integrity back. And yeah, that’s right, even if I won, I would have smashed it on the ground to make a statement.”
Haynes did win the Maxwell Award and the Doak Walker (both for the second consecutive year), he had no trouble accepted the awards and in both cases pleaded for the audience to switch to CFL light bulbs and try to reduce gasoline consumption. Haynes was also named First Team All American, and First Team All Pac Ten.
Arizona’s star kicker Jay Gibson took home the Groza Trophy along with First Team All American Honors, First Team All Pac Ten, and First Team Freshman All American.
“Y’all ain’t even announcing the best award,” said Gibson. “I was named first team All-AFRICAN-American by BET. I’m the first kicker they’ve had since my man Reggie Roby. Oh, is the mic still on? Fuck Da Heisman.”
