Bargnani scorches the Pacers

Indianapolis, IN – Andrea Bargnani went bananas against the pacers, dropping 70! SEVENTY POINTS.  The Raptors scored 94 total and Bargnani scored 70 of them!

His line:
70 Pts (30-36 FG, 4/4 FT, 6/7 3 PT)
5 Rebounds
1 Steal
1 Assist
ZERO TURNOVERS

Hilariously many Raptors had career highs in assists, Calderon dropped 12, Mansiz had 7, Oliverio had 7, and Buruk had 5.

For the Pacers Leandro Alvarado had 16 pts, this is only notable because he is from Puerto Rico.

“Bargnani! So crazy,” said Alvarado after the game. “He remind me of Daddy Yankee! PUERTO RIIIICO!”

All the Raptors agree that he is the coolest player in the NBA.

 

Raptors vs. Thunder

Oklahoma City, OK – This was a big game for the Toronto Raptors, but many would say it was an even bigger game for Pavao Radja. The 7′ Croatian Center signed a 5 year, 90 million dollar deal in Oklahoma and outright refused to even consider resigning with Toronto. The entire city of Toronto turned against him faster than they did against Tracy McGrady, Steve Francis, or Antonio Davis (“I’m worried about my kids going to school in Canada”). Thankfully the Raptors are an organization fueled by spite so they just went ahead and drafted Pavao’s brother Bruno in the 1st round of the NBA draft.

Those expecting a close game were disappointed as the Raptors came away with 100-92 victory and held the lead for the entire game.

“My brother is not a good man,” said Bruno Radja, who had 6 points. “I think he is evil and I wish that he had been killed in his sleep by muslims. Also, his shoes are so gay now.”

Bruno went ahead and backed up those words by playing strong in the post and outright BLOCKING his brother (video here). Pavao did have a solid game, going for 17 points, 4 reb, 4 asst, 1 steal, 2 blocks. Is that 90 million dollars worth of talent? We shall see.

“All eyes on me!” said Mansiz after the game. No one is sure where he learned the expression but many suspect Monte Clement, the only player on the team not from Europe.

Mansiz HIGHLIGHTS

And as, always the leader of the team Andrea Bargnani played well, dropping in 22 pts, 3 rebs, 3 asst, 1 steal, 1 block

 

2016 Season Opener

New York, NY – The Toronto Raptors (#2 in the NBA Power Rankings) lost their opening game of the season to the newly powerful New York Knicks (three players with the star logo). The loss is directly attributable to Hakan Mansiz’s bruised tailbone. When he’s not 100% the Raptors cannot hope to be 100%

“I am sore,” said Mansiz after the game. “My English, not so much good.”

Monte Clement from Montreal is really the only player on the team who can speak proper English said that the Knicks with Danny Granger, Derrick Johansen, and Tyrus Thomas are really a solid team.

“We only lost by two,” said Clement. “Mansiz was hurt, what do you want? And Gasol is getting tired really easily. I think he’s started smoking weed.”

Also of note Ernesto Oliviero proved himself to be the most reliable Raptor and will likely find himself in the starting rotation as the aging Jose Calderon will have to step down to prevent Oliverio from trying to leave in the of season.

 

Raptors vs. Suns (Pre-season)

Raptors looked good.  Here is Hakan Mansiz schooling 21 year veteran Kobe Bryant (he was fouled on this play)

Meet Hakan Mansiz
6′7″
235 lbs
From Turkey
#1 SG in the NBA
#3 Overall Player
4 Time NBA Champion
All Star 2016
2nd Team All Defensive 2013, 2015, 2016
2nd Team All Rookie 2011
The Raptors were not expecting to draft Mansiz in 20XX, but after a 1 on 1 session with Tracy McGrady, they were sold.  In the fifteen minutes, he dunked 6 times, blocked T-mac and basically disrespected in every possible way.  McGrady, matured from his first stint in Toronto, took it in stride and made a strong recommendation that the Raptors draft him.

Hakan Mansiz was born and raised in the small Turkish city of Ankara.  Growing up his parents always dreamed about him playing for Türk Telekom in the Turkish Basketball League. But after attending his first game he remarked “these are NBA and college washouts! I can beat these guys.”  That was when former UConn star and Turk Telecom legend Khalid El Amin heard him.  “Come down here and play then,” said El Amin.  Mansiz did not flinch, and even though he was only 14 years old he stepped on the court and played in jean shorts and a mesh tanktop.  He scored 14 pts, 5 assists, and 2 rebounds.  El Amin had to give him respect.

Mansiz immediately dropped out of high school and played basketball full time.  Neither of his parents put up resistance, his father even said: “why should he go to high school? to learn to be a cell phone salesman? Fuck that, and fuck Turk Telecom, where our trophy?”

Once Mansiz was drafted by the Raptors he immediately blew up, making the All Rookie team and eventually All NBA First Team Defense.

He is currently rated as the #3 player in the league, though many think that will change this year as he takes a bigger role in the Raptors offense.

 

NBA Basketball – Raptors Dynasty

So after a long hiatus from this site.  Riverdale Palm Trees is back in full effect and will now be following my NBA 2k9 dynasty.

But before I start with the constant updates it’s important to fill you in on what has happened so far.

• I took over the Raptors for the 2008-2009 season.  My early moves were to trade Chris Bosh and Jamario Moon to the Lakers for Pau Gasol and Sasha Vujajic
• I eventually guided the Raptors to 4 straight NBA Titles through the draft, having selected players like Turkish All Star Hakan Mansiz, Ernesto Oliverio, and Pavao Radja (more on him later)
• Andrea Bargnani has grown into the best player in the NBA, he has 2 MVP awards and 4 NBA Finals MVP awards.
• Kobe Bryant now plays for the Phoenix Suns.

Here are some highlights of Hakan Mansiz:

 

SMU loses a heartbreaker 28-23 to TCU

Ft. Worth, TX – The SMU Mustangs were one possession away from a victory in the battle for the Iron Skillet.  But in the end TCU was just a better team with more talent and a better defense.

But, one amazing highlight was Devin Lowery who had 3 INTs for 111 yards and a touchdown.

“It was the game of my life,” said Lowery.  “But we lost, and that was just awful.   It’s unacceptable, I wanted that skillet.”

Justin Willis continued his horrible streak of passing with 11/19 passing for 194 yards and 4 INTs.  A real shame.

The game was tight throughout, and TCU took some leads that looked like cheap computer moves.  Long bombs, and so forth.

This season is a bit of  a wash until the new recruiting classes come in.

 

SMU loses to Arkansas State

Springfield, AR – The SMU Mustangs impressive 2 game winning streak is over with a humiliating loss to the Arkansas State Indians. The game was mildly close going into the second half but Arkansas State just took over and tore through a sloppy, sloppy SMU defense.

But the blame lies squarely with Justin Willis who threw 3 picks and played like garbage.

 

NCAA is here

 

AD Lander steps down from the Wildcats

Tucson, AZ – Unable to finish his final season due to personal reasons.  Athletic Director Lander of the Arizona Wildcats has stepped down.

The Wildcats WON the Pac Ten, winning out the rest of the season.  They are playing Ohio State in the Rose Bowl dubbed the “Divorce Maker”

Awards:

Jay Gibson won the Groza

Jay Gibson was a 1st Team All American

Andy Jackson was a 2nd Team All American

All Pac Ten

1st Team

Brent Robinson, QB

Alan Barron, HB

Andy Jackson, WR

Ryan Parrish, WR

Jeremy McCutcheon, C

Martin Overstreet, G

Cedric Lacey, T

Matt Fitzhugh, DE

Peter Brink, OLB

Antonio Ingram, FS

Steve Wynn, SS

Jay Gibson, K

2nd

Aaron Thompson, TE

James Wilson, G

Travis Sledge, T

Neil Hill, G

Nick Robinson, DE

 

Arizona squeaks past Cal 28-20 keeps six year Pac Ten winning streak alive

Berkeley, CA – The Arizona Wildcats walked into Berkeley expecting to blowout an overrated Cal – like they’ve been doing for the past six years. But this is a different era in Arizona football, and the game was a miracle victory.

Josh Rice, son of Jerry, had a great game going 22/32 280 yards, and two touchdowns. With his arm, legs, and supporting cast, the Wildcat defense was again exposed as particularly weak against strong quarterbacks.

The score was 20-7 Cal at the half and Arizona looked like they were going to hand over the Pac Ten to the quickly improving Golden Bears.  But once again, Brent Robinson refused to give up in the face of interceptions, sacks, and drops by his recievers.

“If we’re going to lose a Pac Ten game,” said Robinson who went 13/23 214, one TD, one INT.  “It will be to the USC thugs, not to these pussified,  Norcal dorks.  Redwood would be disgusted to call these guys fellow environmentalists.”

The second half also featured a Wildcat defense that refused to budge after being torched by Rice in the first half.  Freshman sensation Quinn Scott finished the game with ten tackles, including two for loss.  While Defensive Tackle Kyle Jones (perhaps the best to ever play for Arizona) had four tackles for loss and a sack.

With the game 20-14, Alan Barron scampered for an impressive 20 yard run, and then freshman Tim Christian punched it in for the score, giving the Wildcats a 21-20 lead with two minutes left.

At that point the defense took over, forced a turnover, and Freshman RB Steve Gilmore broke a 30 yard run for the score.  Although some think Cal let him score to get the ball back.

With the ball back in their hands, they marched downfield against a tired Arizona D.  They reached the 35 and had one last hail mary pass to try and tie it.  For some  reason, Xavier Henderson was the ONLY person covering three Cal WRs (pictured) but still managed to bat the ball down and save the game for the Wildcats.

Arizona is now ranked #8 in the polls.