(translated from Arabic from Morocco and Africa Today)

Moroccan Daily: How are you today Marcel?

Marcel Nakfoor: I am excellent, blessed is this day.

MD: Now, for our readers, can you explain exactly what you do?

MN: I kick a football through some posts for the University of Arizona.

MD: Hmmm, why do you not play soccer?

MN: Because I was only offered a partial scholarship to Indiana to play soccer, I was offered full scholarships to Arizona, USC, Virginia, Ohio State, and McGill.

MD: McGill! You must go there! Your Arabic brothers! The night clubs! The availability of tight black shirts! The music of Massari! (pictured)

MN: Massari is a good artist. It was a tough choice, but I want to play in the NFL.

MD: What is that?

MN: National Football League.

MD: Why is that?

MN: Because they will pay millions to keep on kicking. I am very good you see.

MD: Excellent, what will you do with the money.

MN: Build a Mosque with my helmet on top.

MD: It says here that you won the Groza award 2 years in a row. Is that the award for best Muslim?

MN: No, it is the award for the best kicker.

MD: Like the Harabaikrit Award for best Footballer! Why did you not win this year?

MN: I do not know. I was named first team All-American–

MD: You are American?

MN: Permanent Resident, my parents move to USA when I was in High School.

MD: Very good!

MN: So I was first team All-American, but not winner of the Groza.

MD: Do you suspect racism?

MN: I am loathe to suspect racism…

MD: But did not Justin Abdullah lose the Heisman too?

MN: That is one of the great injustices of our time. He has been the best receiver in College Football history for two years, and has no Heismans. I am upset.

MD: Racism?

MN: Yes, I am starting to think so.

MD: Did you dream of 4 straight Grozas?

MN: Of course! No one could break that record! Only tie it! I am very sad, but it is my mission to win it this year, and be a 4 time All American, and 3 Time Groza Winner.

MD: Are you the best kicker in Arizona history?

MN: Yes.

MD: Very succinct! Now, what has it been like studying at an American college?

MN: Wonderful! I spend much time with the International Students Association and have many good friends.

MD: Do you drink?

MN: Never!

MD: Do you remain chaste?

MN: I never drink.

At this point, the entire sorority house of Sigma Nu enters the room and carries Marcel out on a emperor’s chair. Apparently, he has a big, um, hram. These girls love him. He said on the way out that he hopes Utah gets an NFL team so he can marry them all.