November 2006

hairstoncover.jpgAnn Arbor, MI – Jason Weaver continues to impress as he pulls in another TD pass and 75 recieving yards in Arizozna’s big win over Michigan.  Josh Zelman looked great too passing for over 350 yards, and even Greg Brock seemed to get in the spirit, with 8 receptions for 128 yards.

But the surprise is Tim Hairston, he was incredible, 10 tackles, 1 sack, and an INT, and he won player of the week.  Hairston was never expected to be anyone special and now looks like he might contend for the Butkus, but we’ll see.

Next up for Arizona is the game against #3 USC, essentially this is the Pac Ten this year.  Winner take all, and maybe get a shot at the national title. trojanhype.jpg


(translated from Original Spanish) as appeared in Árboles de palma del valle del río (ADPDVDR)

Árboles De Palma De Riverdale: Hello and how are you?
Lawrence Garcia: I am well.
Patrick Rodriguez: I am doing very well.
Luis Larson: Good.
ADPDVDR: I want to say congratulations on your scholarships to the University, what are you studying?
LG: I am only a freshman, and as such, and I’m currently exploratory.  But I would like to go into either Communications, Psychology, or Media Arts.
PR: I am studying history and political science, and will be enrolling in law school after I finish my BA.
LL: ummm, yes.
ADPDVDR: Luis, do you even speak Spanish?
LL: A little
ADPDVDR: Your heritage! You ignore it!
LL: What?
ADPDVDR: You cannot even understand the language of your people, you are everything that is wrong with the world today, what will you do?
LL: What?
ADPDVDR: (in English) Are both your parents Hispanic?
LL: (in English) My dad is ¼ Mexican, and my mom is Irish/German.
ADPDVDR: (in English) Can you please leave? We have no need for you.
LG: Sell out
PR: I don’t like you, your mother is a whore.
LL: What?
LG: And your father is a criminal, racist, who has destroyed our culture.
LL: What?
Luis Leaves.
ADPDVDR: What are your goals at the University?
PR: I have several, graduating, winning a Rose Bowl, winning a national title.  At the school, I hope to increase latino enrollment here, it’s a disgrace that a city like Tucson with such a large Hispanic population is so underrepresented at the University.
LG: Well, I want to get really drunk on my 21st birthday at dirtbags, I hope the basketball team makes a final four, and I want to get into a good frat.
ADPDVDR: Interesting…
LG: Well, and I’m pretty sure I can use this Spanish stuff to get laid.
PR: Good luck with that…it’s not gonna work, you need French.
LG: What? Really?
PR: yeah, Latino girls don’t care because they speak Spanish, White girls think it’s gross.  You can’t win.
LG: That’s great, what if I do a study abroad in Spain?  Will they impressed there?
PR: Are you an idiot? They all speak Spanish there!
LG: But what if I make it sound kind of lame, like I’m struggling?
PR: yeah, that might work.
ADPDVDR: This is very true.  Now, who do you consider your biggest influence?
PR: Caesar Chavez
LG: 50 Cent, Dave Matthews, Barry Melrose, that guy from Sublime, Naomi Klein, Jonathan Franzen, and Sufjan Stevens.
PR: What?
LG: I’m complicated
PR: Or confused.
ADPDVDR: Where do you see the position of Latinos in the 21st century?
PR: I really don’t know where to begin that question, do you mean globally? In the United States? In Tucson? We are far too diverse a group of people to be able to totalize in such a manner.  You need to be more specific, we all have different cultures, heritages, and that needs to be respected.
LG: Picking fruit.
Patrick Rodriguez punched Lawrence at this point.  He had to be pulled off of him by the interviewer and a few nearby security guards.  As he was being pulled away he screamed “I CANNOT WAIT FOR PRACTICE! YOU ARE DEAD GARCIA! DEAD!”

Many were shocked that the normally reserved Rodriguez lost his cool so quickly and in such an aggressive manner.  After the interview he apologized to everyone and issued a formal statement:

“I regret my actions last week, but there is nothing that gets me fired up like a self-loathing American Latin who does not respect his heritage and his brothers.  I hope this brings attention to the issue and that we all can find support together.  After I break Lawrence’s leg in practice, we should be even.”

Tuscaloosa, AL – Imagine losing your virginity at your Bar Mitzvah, then multiply that by a thousand. The truly great ones among us announce their arrival on the biggest stage, as soon as possible. On Saturday, Jason Weaver essentially did the equivalent of having a threesome in a broom closet at his bar Mitzvah. The young, brash WR pulled in seven catches, for 168 yards and a touchdown. He had a few drops, but those were caused by triple coverage and some very aggressive hits. Still, he could have not have chosen a bigger game to make a bigger impact and get his name into the papers.

“Surprised? Y’all are suprised?” said Weaver after the game during a press conference that he had announced on Wednesday of the week, a full two days before his redshirt was pulled. “Why you think I called this conference? I knew it was coming, we all knew it was coming.”

The decision to remove that Redshirt and let him start was spurred in part by the poor performance of Luis Larson, and the requests of Josh Zelman to give him a big target for his senior season. Coach Stoops does not seem to regret the decision.

“Jason played great,” said Stoops after the game. “If I can keep his ego in check, we might have a chance of beating USC, but that guy in Los Angeles sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. He’s already said he’s going to Hyde and looking for Paris Hilton. The team had a great time with her two years ago, and she still calls Marcel, but they played like shit.”

The other surprising arrival in this game was the Arizona defense. A spot that many thought would be week considering the graduation of some key players, but this year’s D looks stronger than ever. The linebacking core of Hairston, Rodriguez, Lewis and Senior Jason Childs looks to be the best in Arizona History.

Finally, Arizona’s Kicker Michael Rushing made his first start in a big game, and it didn’t start well. His kickoff went right out of bounds and looked terrible. But he went perfect for field goals, including a 58 yard boot.

“I couldn’t believe it,” said Rushing after the game. “The big bear spirit was shining upon me, and I could feel the support of the whole reservation behind me.”

Rushing has recently made his Native American heritage a priority, though he considers going to school with one Native Guy to be heritage, he’s really getting into it. He has taken a class in Aborginal Studies and is very upset with the US government right now. His Farmer Parents are not looking forward to Thanksgiving, and the inevitable guilt inducing speech he has prepared.

On the Alabama side of the ball, their offense looked very weak, but their defense was ridiculous. CJ Briggs, a ‘Bama linebacker was ridiculous, he had five tackles and three sacks.

Michigan is up next in the Big House.

Quarter #1

Quarter #2

Quarter #3

Quarter #4

Twin Threats
Like the Yin and Yang, the world often needs opposites. Sometimes they work against each other, but always defining each other by that which they lack. That is to say, can there be light if we don’t know dark? We can never know what true light is until we have experience pure darkness.

In 2012, two recruits at WR will set foot on college campuses, mirror images in size, and complete opposites in style. Chris Richard is the definition of responsible athlete; mature, kind, loyal, intelligent, and humble. While Jason Weaver is what many point to as being everything that’s wrong with sports: arrogant, selfish, egotistical, yet incredibly talented.

We sat down with both receivers at the Abdullah/Thompson WR Camp for High School seniors in Dallas, TX.

Riverdale Palm Trees: I want to thank you both for taking the time to sit down and talk with me.

Chris Richard: It’s my pleasure, it’s nice to meet you.

Jason Weaver: Is this gonna take long? I got things to do, moves to make.

RPT: Who would you list as your role models?

CR: My parents, first and foremost. Then my grandparents.

JW: Me.

RPT: How about football?

CR: Well, Joel Thompson, of course. Then I would say Jerry Rice, Ed McCaffrey, Marvin Harrison.

JW: Randy Moss, Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, and my main man Dwight Gooden…TAMPA! WHAT!?

RPT: Ok, can you put the gun back in your waistband?

JW: Sorry, Tampa in the house, you know? HA!

RPT: Very good, now, when did you know that you were destined to be a special player?

CR: I don’t know if I can call myself a special player at all. I don’t even think I was the best player on my team in Ohio, and frankly, I don’t care if I’m special, I just want to win.

JW: The day I was born, sucka. I came out the womb, doctor dropped his pen, and BADOW! I caught it. And he was all, “damn, that’s a baller, and look at those nuts, they like baseballs.”

RPT: Ok, so you both played basketball in high school, what was that like?

JW: Let me just say, first and foremost, fuck the NBA. That dumb rule, I was gonna jump straight to the pros, get my money right, get my grind right, and be rolling around in an escalade.

RPT: Aren’t you driving an Escalade right now?

JW: On 22s! That’s welfare style, I need 26s, AT LEAST…put that in writing…all y’all Arizona boosters, 26s please, and make em spin!

CR: Well, ah, I just loved playing basketball. I enjoy it, it’s a great team sport, and it was just a lot of fun.

RPT: So why not basketball scholarships?

CR: I hope I can make the Alabama team, and maybe be a 6th man.

JW: Write this down now. Jason Weaver, starting shooting guard on the Arizona Wildcats. And while you’re at it, write this down too: Jason Weaver will bang more white chicks than bumper cars in Utah.

RPT: You are both surpassing legends at your respective schools, how do you feel about that?

CR: Joel Thompson is a legend, I can only hope to try to join him in the list of great Alabama players. And for Brandon Luke to let me use his number meant a lot to me, we talk every week about technique, opponents, life, Jesus, all sorts of stuff.

JW: What!?!?! That motherfucker let you use his number?! I been wearing 87 since I was 12, and the motherfucking AD at Arizona said I had to change my number. Bullshit.

RPT: But how do you feel about replacing Justin Abdullah?

JW: Who?

RPT: The holder of every record in Arizona School history, and the all time NCAA leader in most receiving categories.

JW: I know who he is, I give him respect, but people gonna be asking who he is when I bust up all them records. TAMPA!

CR: I would like to say, that Justin Abdullah was a legend in Ohio when I was growing up. When he invited me to this camp, it meant the world to me.

JW: Fuck you uncle Tom. I’ve had enough of this act, why you being so nice? You afraid to be real? TO GET REAL? Go back to the country and pick me some cotton.

CR: Look, just calm down, there’s no need for this, besides there’s kids around.

JW: Fuck the kids! That’s right, fuck you (points at an 11 year old receiver), fuck you (points at the kids father), fuck you (points at an autistic tight end), fuck you (points at an underpriviledged kids grandmother), fuck you (points at RPT) and your mother.

At this point, Chris Richard attempts to restrain Jason Weaver who pushes him away and throws a vicious punch. Richard catches the punch mid air, and stares down Weaver until he walks away. In the distance, you can hear a table being flipped over and Weaver yelling into his cellphone.

CR: I’m terribly sorry to end this, but I really need to get back to the kids.

Jason Weaver’s High School

Bios on Both:

Wide Receiver

Chris Richard (5 STAR)
6’6 186
Fort McKinley, OH
(#1 WR)
Ohio Player of the year. Top WR in the Nation. Was noticed in 10th grade when an SEC mixed up Fort McKinley with Canton McKinle Can we say Brandon Luke clone. He’s from Ohio, he’s from a small town and he even has the same NBA shooting guard body type at 6’6 186. Was a two sport star as well but this guy’s first love was football and he idolized Luke all through high school. Luke, who graduated a year early for the NFL gave Richard permission to wear his #84. Chris is unlike most superstar WR as he grew up in the small town of Fort McKinley which is outside of Dayton. The town is 53.2% black and Chris loved small town living and refused to transfer to a bigger school in Dayton. Is really close to family and biggest problem will be homesickness. 4.34 speed and a 41’3 vert

Jason Weaver

Birthplace: Tampa, FL
Position: WR
National Position Rank as HS Senior: #2
Weight:199 lbs
40 Time: 4.22
Field Awareness:A+
Vertical Leap: 41.9″
Bench: 275
Squat: 385
Star Rating: 5 Star
Early Recruiting Buzz

Jason Weaver is Arizona’s 2nd 5 Star WR recruit. The first: Justin Abdullah. Weaver chose to came to Arizona because of their DEEP roster of Quarterbacks and coach Stoops commitment to the long ball. He was all State in Basketball and Football. Though he always insists that basketball is his first love, he plays football because everyone has said that’s where he’ll go pro. His favorite team is the Toronto Raptors, and it was during a recruiting visit from AD Lander that they talked Raptors and he decided to come to UofA. He also has aspirations of playing on the Wildcats basketball team, and will probably start in a few years.

Arizona Career

Did not make a wise decision in trying to choose #87 when he came to Arizona. The Athletic Director talked him out of it before it could reach the media. He choose #19 instead.

svswcup.jpgThe story of the SVSW cup is now on the wiki.

I spent an hour writing it this morning, well more like 40 minutes, but it’s pretty sweet, please read it.

utahstate.jpgTucson, AZ – #11 Arizona opened the 2012 season with a solid crushing of unranked Utah State. Josh Zelman, the Wildcats Heisman contender, had a great game, throwing for 4 TDs and 259 yards. He is unquestionably the leader of this team, but sadly a number of plays saw him trying to stretch the field to WR Dwayne Jones, who was not able to get seperation and pull them in. Plays Justin Abdullah of the Ravens would have made.

Chad Smith, the Freshman QB, threw his first TD pass in the 4th quarter. It was a wonderful scramble and pass for a TD.

But the real story here was defense. John Lewis was strong with 8 tackles, and Patrick Rodriguez played like a beast; seven tackles, two for loss, and one sack. He is going to be the defensive of anchor of this team and will be named defensive captain after Josh Powell moves on to the NFL.

Deonne Heard also got his first bit of playing time. He is gigantic.

Before returning to the insanity that is RPT Coverage of Arizona Football, I want to take a moment of silence for the Alabama Crimson Tide. After a magical 2011 season that saw them reach their first ever National Championship game, they came up short against a very good Oklahoma team. It’s a sad day in Dixie, and though they look to sustain some fairly major losses to graduation, hopefully the team can rebound and make it back to the game next year.

In an unrelated note, I have a Wii. It’s awesome. 

Next Page »