Tuscaloosa, AL – Imagine losing your virginity at your Bar Mitzvah, then multiply that by a thousand. The truly great ones among us announce their arrival on the biggest stage, as soon as possible. On Saturday, Jason Weaver essentially did the equivalent of having a threesome in a broom closet at his bar Mitzvah. The young, brash WR pulled in seven catches, for 168 yards and a touchdown. He had a few drops, but those were caused by triple coverage and some very aggressive hits. Still, he could have not have chosen a bigger game to make a bigger impact and get his name into the papers.

“Surprised? Y’all are suprised?” said Weaver after the game during a press conference that he had announced on Wednesday of the week, a full two days before his redshirt was pulled. “Why you think I called this conference? I knew it was coming, we all knew it was coming.”

The decision to remove that Redshirt and let him start was spurred in part by the poor performance of Luis Larson, and the requests of Josh Zelman to give him a big target for his senior season. Coach Stoops does not seem to regret the decision.

“Jason played great,” said Stoops after the game. “If I can keep his ego in check, we might have a chance of beating USC, but that guy in Los Angeles sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. He’s already said he’s going to Hyde and looking for Paris Hilton. The team had a great time with her two years ago, and she still calls Marcel, but they played like shit.”

The other surprising arrival in this game was the Arizona defense. A spot that many thought would be week considering the graduation of some key players, but this year’s D looks stronger than ever. The linebacking core of Hairston, Rodriguez, Lewis and Senior Jason Childs looks to be the best in Arizona History.

Finally, Arizona’s Kicker Michael Rushing made his first start in a big game, and it didn’t start well. His kickoff went right out of bounds and looked terrible. But he went perfect for field goals, including a 58 yard boot.

“I couldn’t believe it,” said Rushing after the game. “The big bear spirit was shining upon me, and I could feel the support of the whole reservation behind me.”

Rushing has recently made his Native American heritage a priority, though he considers going to school with one Native Guy to be heritage, he’s really getting into it. He has taken a class in Aborginal Studies and is very upset with the US government right now. His Farmer Parents are not looking forward to Thanksgiving, and the inevitable guilt inducing speech he has prepared.

On the Alabama side of the ball, their offense looked very weak, but their defense was ridiculous. CJ Briggs, a ‘Bama linebacker was ridiculous, he had five tackles and three sacks.

Michigan is up next in the Big House.

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