Brian Haynes
Burbank, CA
40: 4.35
Field AWR: B
Vert: 36.9″
Hands: A-
Bench: 340
Squat: 640
Potential: Poor
Discipline: Poor
#1 HB
Top 50 Red Zone
Brian went to Burbank High located right behind the Ikea at the Media Center. He has a very bad attitude, as he ran with a pretty rough Aremenian crew in Glendale. He loves the Aremnian chicks, and can’t even look at black women any more. He got in trouble for breaking into the Ikea to steal some wall hangings for the locker room. He is fascinated by sustainable design and hopes major in Family and Consumer Sciences, and eventually work as the first thugged out Green Architect. He has already arranged campaigns to reduce the carbon footprint of hip hop concerts, has spoken out about African American purchases of SUVs, and the need for bullets made out of soy with implanted seeds that turn into trees after the body is buried. He has said that he plays so aggressively because he views the opponents as automotive executives and housing development companies.

Lamont Meyers
Colonial Heights, TN
#1 FB
239 lbs
40: 4.60
Field AWR: C+
Vert: 32.7
Hands: B
Bench: 360
Squat: 570
Potential: Poor
Discipline: good
4 Stars – RedZone Top 50
Coming from a town of 7,000, that’s 98% white, Lamont did not have it easy. The town is made up of 70% married couples, and only 7.6% of household were single parent familes. The Meyers family was one of them. His dad left when he was 3, and returned when Lamont made the Junior High Football team and broke a coaches’s leg during a practice. Though he did not live with Lamont’s mother, that did not stop him from taking out loans against his son’s future earnings. A corrupt banker at The Citizen’s Bank in nearby Kingsport, TN loaned him $40,000 to start a restuarant/autoshop in Colonial Heights, it’s called Lamont Meyer Sr’s Rib’n’Rims. It has not been a success. Lamont, Jr. needs to either make the NFL or major in something that pays well. He’s feeling the pressure and takes it out on the football field.

Howard Coleman
Carson, CA
#2 SS
210 LBS
Field AWR: A-
Vert: 40.7″
Hands: A-
Bench: 340
Squat: 520
Pot: Avg
Dis: Avg
4 Stars – Redzone Top 50
Carson is a mixed up place with about 25% white, 25% black, and 35% latino. Howard had nothing but love for all races, and hatred for environmentalists. Carson is made up mostly of refineries and the petroleum industry, and where many see pollution – he sees opportunity. He wants to either work in mining engineering or go into politics and be an auto industry lobbyist. He is a staunch Republican and considers JC Watts to be his hero.

Clint Brown
Fontana, CA
#1 OLB
218 lbs
40: 4.52
Field AWR: A
Vert: 30.9″
Hands: C+
Bench: 285
Squat: 570
Pot: Poor
Avg: Poor
4 Stars
Fontana is 60% Hispanic, and 34% meth addict. Clint Brown was from Fontana, and he ain’t Mexican. That means he was a meth addict. His father was in the Hells Angels and his mother was a snuff film star (briefly), and when the boy would cry, his father would give him meth. By the time he was 13 he was manufacturing, selling, and marketing meth to local high schools. An over dose in Grade 11 (in spite of a 4.0 GPA, lots of activities, a clean room, and four novels – The Butcher of Rivendale, 3:30 Shootout, High.School.High, and The Girl with the Red Purse) caused him to reevaulate his life. He went into rehab and found that the only football could give him the same high as meth. He even tried selling the high, by giving kids the opportunity to wear his uniform with a helmet with a visor, and play in a game. But an Asian kid got knocked out in a game against a thugged out school and his business plan fell apart. He hopes to major in Psychology and become a youth councillor, or marketing and become the biggest cocaine dealer LA has ever seen.

Jakari Davis
5′11″ 170 lbs
Flagstaff, AZ
40: 4.37
Field AWR: A-
Vert: 40.4″
Hands: A-
Bench: 240
Squat: 385
Pot: AVG
Dis: AVG
Jakari Davis is a good student, who is really into geopgrahy. Growing up in Flagstaff, he was really into mountain biking, skiing, camping, orienteering, and hiking. He’s a vegetarian, and loves Dave Matthews and the Tragically Hip. As a black guy, he found that he was all alone at concerts, hikes, and ski trips. He also learned that he did not like the girls who were into his stuff. So he started playing football to cop the premium hoes, and guarantee that they would not ask to come along during his extreme activities. He likes to wear shorts and hiking boots and always has a Clif bar in his bag. He hopes to befriend some people from California so he can try surfing.

Marcus Holbert
6′3″ 205 lbs
Stephenville, TX
#2 in USA
40: 4.41
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 40.4″
Hands: A+
Bench: 285
Squat: 445
Potential: Poor
Discipline: Good
Top 50
The second most famous (or 3rd) resident of Stephenville after Jewel and her boyfriend, Marcus Holbert is a black cowboy. He had a full rodeo scholarship to Tarelton State, and was planning on staying. But on the class trip to New Orleans he discovered hip hop and lost his damn mind. He changed the game of rodeo, he started wearing baseball caps, busting victory dances over roped calves and played Juvenile’s Rodeo over and over again. He was deemed too dangerous for the Rodeo Circuit and had his ride to Tarelton State revoked. He played only his senior season at the high school as part of his punishment for roping the principal and then putting the video on youtube with “Bourbons and Lacs” by Master P playing in the background. He tore it up and had a sweet rope dance when he scored a TD. He chose Tucson because of it’s links to Rodeo and he looks forward to the parade.

Greg White
237 lbs
Celina, OH
#1 MLB
40: 4.52
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 34.5″
Hands: C+
Bench: 405
Squat: 670
Potential Avg
Discipline Good
4 Stars
Greg White was the only black kid at his high school. His dad used to work for the Huffy Bicycle Corporation until they shut down their plant in Celina. As a result, Greg has an insane hatred of bicycles and prefers cars (especially Hondas since they employee people in Celina). His dad kind of went nuts after the plant closed down, and Greg has a lot of anger that he lets out on the football field. He came to Arizona to be a part of the defensive movement, and to beat up bicyclists who train in Tucson in the winter.

Larry Vinson
#1 C
Harrison, AR
276 lbs
40: 4.92
Field AWR: C+
Vert: 27.4
Bench: 515
Squat: 715
5 Stars
Went to Harrison High ( Home of the Golden Goblins (frightening). Harrison is a small town, but Larry Vinson is a big boy. He grew up on a farm, and did not learn to read until he was 15 years old, but that was due to the fact that his ultra Christian father did not consider public schools to offer enough religious education. But when he saw Larry knock over a charging bull and then pancake block him, he decided he needed to get this kid on the football field. After learning to read in one weekend, he became a voracious reader, and is very interested in the representation of the American Farm in popular literature. He hopes to finish his degree at the UofA and then get into a good Literature PhD program and return to Arkansas to teach rural literature and write novels about life on the farm. His father does not understand him at all. Neither did his teammates, but he was so strong, nobody messed with him…ever. He was such a star, that he made reading cool at his high school. That is until the cool kids started doing meth. Then meth became cooler than reading. Larry was disappointed. Larry is also the first lineman in Arizona history to run a sub 5.00 40.

Justin Small
183 lbs
#4 CB
Clovis cA
40: 4.18
Field AWR: D+
Vert: 43.7
Hands: B+
Bench: 240
Squat: 470
4 Stars
Justin Small had a pretty normal life. He was one of only six black kids at his high school, but he ran with a lot of whitethugs. He had a hip hop group called “Frezzzno,” they were pretty rugged it featured 1 Asian guy, 2 Latinos, 3 White Guys and Justin. They played a few parties, and opened for Kevin Federline at a truck rally. He was a superstar on the football team, and was named Fresno County Mr. Football and Mr. Lacrosse in 2012.

Mike McIntosh
Bogalusa, LA
#3 WR
6’0″ 209 LBS
40: 4.22
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 39.8
Hands: A+
Bench: 275
Squat: 415
5 Stars
Bogalusa is poor. Straight up. 35% of the population lives below the poverty line, Mike McIntosh was no exception. Unlike Casey Cook he grew up in a pretty solid home that stressed religion, hard work, and drinking as the key tenets to life. But when he started growing and running fast he started getting a taste of the good life from local boosters: Grade B Meats, brand name soda, unbroken cookies, cars, factory made alcohol, and electricity. He knew he wanted out. He is very worried about the academic rigor of Arizona, and has been trying to get his math and reading skills up (his dog took the SAT for him and scored a 990, which for some reason is completely legal and accepted method of taking the test in Bogalusa).

Josh Diles
Carthage, MO
#8 T
6’5″ 314
40: 5.31
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 27.4
Bench: 545
Squat: 750
4 Stars

Carthage, MO is the heart of animal processing plants. It smells terrible here, and Josh Diles wanted out from day one. His father Stubby only has three fingers left, and was working day and night without any compensation. Josh wanted to go to Missouri or Kansas, but when an Arizona Booster with a law degree offered to get his father a settlement, his college choice was set. Stubby got a $2.2 million dollar settlement and doesn’t have to work any more. But Stubby bought his house, a big Cadillac, five guns, and went right back to work. Josh has the same work ethic.

Jack Sanchez
#1 T (JUCO)
St. Petersburg, FL
332 lbs
40: 5.12
Field AWR: A-
Vert: 28.6
Bench: 545
Squat: 665
5 Stars
Jack Sanchez was going to be a superstar. He had a scholarship to Florida State, he had already turned down Florida, Miami, Notre Dame and Michigan. But right before the school year ended it was clear that an illegal immigrant from El Salvador had been taking all of his classes, and doing quite well. It was a gigantic scandal, and the scholarship offers dried up for Sanchez (Ironically, the Salvadoran earned a full academic scholarship to Florida). He went to Junior College and absolutely dominated, his running backs broke all school records, and people still talk about the play where he knocked a defensive end into a safety…who was covering a TE…some estimate he threw him fifty feet.

Marcus Roberts
Oakton, VA
5’11” 275 lbs
#1 G
5 Stars
40: 5.18
Field AWR: A
Vert: 30.3
Bench: 505
Squat: 715
5 Stars

Marcus is a big time wannabe thug. He comes from Oakton, VA (avg. annual house income $87,000), and when people ask where he’s from he says “Oaktown” and lets them think he means Oakland. His mother is a school board administrator and his father is a successful engineer. But as the only black kid at Oakton, he tried to pretend that he was bused in from Newport News. When he was 15, the entire school found out and he was shamed. Instead he embraced his status and joined the Cross Country team, attended young Republican meetings, and dated ‘nuff white chicks. But going into his senior year, he realized that he would need to get thugged out again because he was going to a new school. He dropped X-Country, started lifting weights, and eating. He got so strong that he returned to the thug image and no one questioned it, because he would kick their ass. He was named Mr. Football in Virginia, and had offers from every school in the country. Being only 5’11” he has a big time Napoleon complex, and once knocked out a 6’11” basketball player for calling him ‘stocky.’ He has already said to friends that he plans to tell everyone he’s from Oaktown and will knock out the toughest guy on the team on the first day of practice ‘just like jail.’ John Lewis is eager for him to show up to camp.

Jon Floyd
CB #35
40: 4.31
Field AWR B+
Vert: 42.5
hands: C+
Bench: 235
Squat: 315
Chinle, AZ
3 Stars
Floyd was the only black person in Chinle. Even his parent’s weren’t black. His father is a rancher and poet, and his mother is a successful Native-American writer. Combined, they make $52,000 a year and are the richest people in Chinle, where 45% of the population live below the poverty line and have an annual average income of $8,000. She conceived at 40 at a sperm bank in Phoenix. She thought she was getting the chief of a tribe from South America, instead she got sperm from the janitor who had been jerking off into cups for years. Floyd was very conflicted about his heritage, and football was the best way for him to hit white kids and native kids without going to jail. He is the best player to ever come out of Chinle, although they have a sick Lacrosse squad.

Thomas Dunbar
#32 G
Spencer, OK
6’4″ 275
40: 4.52
Field: A+
Vert: 30.9
Bench: 480
Squat: 645

Thomas is a walkon who made the team. If you play o-line and you’re from Oklahoma, you want to come to Arizona. It is a pipeline, the Okie club on the team has been one of the most consistent presences, and ball hockey has even become a big sport in Oklahoma because of the SVSW game. Thomas Dunbar always wanted to play football, even as a kid, he refused to play any sport that would directly improve his football skills. He considers Stanley Scott a personal hero, and wanted to go to Arizona and follow in his footsteps. Thomas will struggle to get significant playing time, but should be a solid addition to the goalline offense.

Top Classes:
1. Colorado
2. Arizona
3. Miami
4. Tennesee
5. Michigan
6. LSU
7. ND
8. Wake Forest
9. Oklahoma
10. USC