dwaynejonesasu2013.jpgTempe, AZ – The Arizona Wildcats, in one game, have ended the hopes for Arizona State to ever recruit a top player from Arizona. The Sun Devils came out in front of their home stadium and played one of the worst games ever seen in the history of the territorial cup.

“They were absolutely terrible,” said Jason Weaver who had two catches for 52 yards and a touchdown. “It was so easy, it didn’t even feel like football. I knew when we went up by 28 in the first quarter, they weren’t going to throw to me for the rest of the game. And honestly, I’m glad coach didn’t throw to me. Scoring against Arizona State would be like dunking on a retard in a game of basketball. There’s no way you can you look good.”

Weaver’s fellow Heisman contender Dane Wright played so well, perhaps the most perfect performance ever by an Arizona QB, that he did not take a single snap in the second half.

In only one half of play, Dane was 16/22, 6 TDs and zero INTs. He also had 8 carries for 44 yards and a TD. spencerasu2013.jpgScoring 7 TDs in one half is an Arizona record, and Wright probably could have scored 15 or 20 if left to play. For some reason the ASU secondary could not cover anyone, even the Douche was making catches. Dwayne Jones showed why he is still considered a dangerous reciever as he had four catches for 123 yards and TDs including an incredible endzone catch (see image). Dexter St-Jacques also had a SICK stiff arm against a weak ASU defender.

They are a young team,” said Wright after the game. “I think, well, I hope. Their secondary has a lot to learn, and it’s good thing they have those six redshirt freshman QBs, because their seniors are not very talented.”

Taking over in the second half, Casey Cook gave a taste of what might be coming next year going 7/8 for 129 yards and a touchdown (a very special TD, but more later). The team was pretty sure that they could have put Weaver at QB and he could have passed for 300.

stjacqueasu2013.jpgDefensively, Patrick Rodriguez coming off a very questionable suspension, played like a man possessed. He didn’t make many tackles (but Arizona State had so many 3 and outs, he didn’t have chance) but he made the most of them. Including on sack that was absolutely brutal, it’s a miracle that their QB did not get hurt.

“Did I plagiarize that sack?” said Rodriguez after the game. “It was actually John Lewis, we switched jerseys before the play. Am I going to be suspended now?”

Though Rodriguez jokes, the TA who make the false claim of plagiarism is now on trial with a number of pending charges thanks to a few phone calls made by local Boostser Mike B. The charges include: fraud, perjory, wire fraud, kidnapping, and second degree murder.

Returning to the game, the ASU game might just be a sign of apocaylpse because: Andrew Schlicher scored….twice. See video: