psunc2013.jpgTucson, AZ – The Arizona Wildcats lost a few players than they were expecting this offseason as John Lewis decided to forgo his final years at Arizona and bolt for the NFL draft.

“Hunting is expensive,” said Lewis in a press conference. “college is stupid.”

Jason Weaver called a press conference to address Lewis’s departure. He appeared in a black suit, very sombre looking. Then he looked up, pushed a button, balloons descended from the ceiling and this song started playing. Weaver pulled out a samba whistle and invite the media to celebrate “a great day in Arizona history. Tell Lewis to pack an extra sweater because he’ll be playing in Winnipeg.  Whoop Whoop!”

After watching Penn State take home the national title, Lewis just couldn’t take it anymore. In addition Redshirt QB Marcus White from Roxboro, NC transferred to Stanford to be with Maurice Hurst. Coach Stoops has promised to run up the score against the Cardinal every chance he gets. Justin Phillips is transferring to Air Force, where he plans to play football and then serve his country. The Wildcats are proud. Dexter St-Jacques is transferring to SJSU because Jeff Garcia went there, and he really wants to play in the CFL.

After the season ended job offers poured in from USC, Miami, and Colorado, all were turned down.

Players Leaving Early
#1 Marcus White Transfer to Stanford
#2 Justin Phillips Transfer to Airforce
#3 Dexter St-Jacques Transfer to SJSU
#4 John Lewis leaving for Pro Draft

Graduating Seniors


Luis Larson, WR
Erick Murphy, LOLB
Tyrone Ross, LE
Isaiah Jones, RB
Brian Lucas, RG
Keron Davis, CB
Justin Harmon, RE
John Castorani, FS
Mark Jean, LG
Ben Weaver, TE
Scott King, LT
Brandon Cox, RG
Dane Wright, QB
Eric Washington, FB

The Wildcats are losing a lot of talent, especially considering that Castorani, Weaver, Jean, King, Cox, Washington and Wright were all 99 OVR.