johnlewis.jpgKamchatka, Russia – While most only know it because of the board game Risk, John Lewis now knows it as home.

After a very successful three years at Arizona, John Lewis decided to declare early for the NFL draft instead of returning to a defense that had a chance to become one of the best in school history.

He was drafted by the Bengals in the late rounds, and then cut during training camp. He tried to catch on with a few Canadian, and Arena League teams, but he just wasn’t a good fit. So he went to NFL Europe, where again, he was cut. He was going to return home, but after a wild bar fight in Amsterdam, and outstanding Dutch warrants, he knew he had to lay low. He snuck eastward until he hit Russia, and started looking for work.

“I thought ‘Moscow’s a big city, they have a football team,'” said Lewis. “Turns out, they only like soccer, and oil, and corruption, and robbing people. It sucked, so I kept looking for work, and found some in this steel mill. It kind of sucks.”

Lewis has lost a finger, but not his spirit. He still wears his Wildcat uniform.

“Are you kidding me? This is the safest thing I can wear, at least I have a helmet. I would have been killed like four times, or mangled like that kid. I’m trying to teach them football, but they just want to harvest wheat. This is so lame. How are the ‘Cats doing?”

Just fine John. Just Fine.