douchewrapsrosebowl.jpgPasadena, CA – The college football world is counting its blessings that it does not have a playoffs system, because the Arizona Wildcats are on such a roll, they could probably win the Superbowl. The University of Wisconsin was the latest victim to Chad Smith, who won his final game and finished his Arizona career undefeated as a starter.

“It feels great to go out with a Rose Bowl,” said Smith after the game. “Josh won one, Dane won one, and now I’ve got one. It means a lot to me. After the Alabama loss, there was so much doubt, but we did it, we won the Rose Bowl!”

Smith was 10/15 for 223 yards with 2 touchdown passes, he also had eight carries for 65 yards and a touchdown. While Nick Spencer finished his Arizona career the way he played it – with a lot of carries and not a lot of yards. He ran 20 times for 97 yards and a touchdown.

“I guess it was a good way to finish my career,” said Spencer after the game. “Football was pretty fun, but I’m rich, I can do whatever I want. I’ll try out for the NFL, but if it’s too hard, I’ll just take a job with my dad’s company.”

Rrushingrosebowl2014.jpgecieving wise, Jason Weaver had 5/134 and a touchdown.

“I always play big in the Rose Bowl,” said Weaver after the game. “It’s a big game, I’m a big player, do the math. Also, I’ve been clocking so many LA hoes, it’s been nuts. Also, I ran into a few USC guys, Reggie Bush, Matt Leinhart, and Marcus Allen and I called them all bitches for only winning one Heisman. Now it’s only me and Archie, it’s a pretty sweet club.”

And finally, Jeremy Doucette had three catches for 38 yards and a touchdown.

“It’s all thanks to the douche wraps!” said Doucette after the game. “I would have dropped the ball, never would have caught it. They made me stronger, tougher and a better player.”

The other seniors weren’t quite so impressed. Calling them “itchy” and “restrictive” and “kind of questionable, you know?”

“He’s got cancer,” said senior Drew Green. “You gotta support him, hopefully this will help with the medical bills.”

When a reporter announced that Doucette did not have cancer, team members reacted rather violently. The Douche is in traction.

Another person who might be in traction is Jason Robinson, Wisconsin’s main return man who lit up by kicker Michael Rushing (Pictured).chadrose2014.jpg

Notes

Bowls

Fresno State beats #4 Oklahoma!

National Championship

Ohio State
38-35 over Miami
scored with 3 minutes left! Amazing.

Job Offers
West Virginia
USC (AGAIN)
Penn State

Records
Chad Smith – most efficient Quarterback Ever
240.3 – breaks Dane’s record of 236.9

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