Tucson, AZ – In an effort to meet the growing needs of Boosters to have access to student seating, dorms, and sororities. The UofA has started to allow certain boosters to enroll at the school as “special students,” they are not required to attend class, and have first choice of ladies at parties and football games.

“This move was prompted by a great mistake,” says an unnamed Executive at Riverdale Palm Trees, and a member of the Arizona Board of Regents. “We did not inform Mr. Valentin that Nicole Ritchie was a student here at one point in time. We regret the mistake and hope that this can begin to heal the wounds.”