haynescal2015.jpgBerkeley, CA – The Arizona Wildcats defense made a big statement in Berkeley on Saturday – they are the best in the Pac Ten.  The ‘Cats pitched their first shutout in a very long time and looked incredible.

Patrick Rodriguez missed a meeting and some coaches wanted him suspended for the game, but Coach Stoops saw through the rouse and decided not to do anything.

“Look, Patrick rubs our conditioning coach the wrong way,” said Stoops after the game.  “He makes up these excuses ever since he asked to see Rodriguez’s immigration papers, to which Patrick punched him in the face.  The strength coach has been fired over this incident, and Patrick’s just fine.”

Patrick took all his rage out on the Golden Bears with six tackles and two sacks.

“I hate it up here,” said Rodriguez after the game.  “Everyone is such a jerk, they are so full of themselves.  They treat me like I’m an idiot because I’m from Texas.  I’m smarter than half the people here, and the hoes here are not top quality.  They are ugly and gross.  So where does the attitude come from?  Screw these jerks.”

Nick Robinson also had his Pac Ten arrival party with 4 tackles for loss and two sacks.

“Man, when I was growing up and people talked about California, this was not what I expected,” said Robinson after the game.  “It was rainy, and gross, and there weren’t a lot of good looking women.  And there were so many protests.”

Overall Arizona held Cal to 93 yards…TOTAL.  33 Rushing and 60 passing.  Incredible.

Offensively, Casey Cook was a steady leader going 8/12 for 129 yards and only one interception.  He also went 8/37 on the ground with one beautiful rushing touchdown off the option.hurst2015cal.jpg

“I love running the option,” said Cook after the game.  “It’s kind of like tweaking, everything is happening so fast you don’t have time to think, you just react.  It’s also good that I only have two options – pitch or run-becuase when I pass I get a little stressed out sometimes.”

Brian Haynes continued his run to the Arizona rushing record books with 27 carries for 150 yards with two more touchdowns.

“I put SoCal on my back,” said Haynes after the game.  “These jerks talk about environmentalism and being real, but I’m seeing nothing but SUVs and Priuses here.  Yeah, a Prius is good, but a bicycle is better, you still burning gas, you still killing the earf (SIC), these hypocrites can eat a dick.”

Devin Hurst also had an interception and a Punt Return touchdown.

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