Chris Whitworth
#1 SS
Findlay, OH
6’2″ 210 lbs
40: 4.39
Field AWR: A-
VerT: 40.7″
Hands: A-
Bench: 340
Squat: 520
Pot: Avg
Discipline: Good

Whitworth is from the same town as Ben Rothliesberger and former Ohio State kicker Josh Huston. His dad worked at the Cooper Tire Factory and always came home smelling like rubber, he also pressured Whitworth into playing baseball. When Whitworth showed interest in football, his dad got pretty mean. So Whitworth started to hate the smell of rubber, and all products that were similar to rubber. As a result he got three girls pregnant in his sophmore year, but he’s pretty good at talking and convinced all three of them to ‘take care of the situation’ without telling their parents. He plans to go to law school after finishing at Arizona.
John Austrum
#2 CB
Greenville, OH
5’11” 172 lbs
40: 4.24
Field AWR: A
Vert: 38.1″
Hands: B
Bench: 215
Squat: 445
Pot: Poor
Dis: Poor

Greenville, Ohio is not a big or successful town. Their wikipedia entry mentions that they have a “loose meat Hamburger Restaurant.” That restaurant is owned by Austrum’s parents, and unfortunately his schoolmates all called him “loose meat” because of the restaurant and the time he came to school with really short shorts and his balls hung out of the bottom. He was taunted mercilessly and developed quite a mean streak, and a passion for vegan food. He is very strict as a vegan and will not eat food that even looks like an animal. He considers Vegan Gummi Bears to be meat.

Cody Stewart
McKinney, TX
#3 CB
5’11” 175 lbs
40: 4.24
Field AWR: A-
Vert: 40.4″
Hands: A-
Bench: 215
Squat: 315
Pot: Avg
Dis: Poor

Cody’s mom plays for the Dallas Revolution, a semi-pro women’s team. She was an incredible defense tackle and won MVP of the league three times, and caused six separate women to be infertile because of her hits. She got pregnant with Cody after she raped an underage hot dog vendor at the game. She never told that 15 year old that he was a father, she told Cody that he was born when a football arrived at her doorstep, she opened it up and out came Cody. He believed that story to be true until he was 17 when he watched the movie Junior with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Jim Hall
#3 DT
Forestville, OH
6’2″ 287
40: 4.88 (DT!)
Field AWR: B
Vert: 27.4″
Bench: 460
Squat: 605
Pot: Poor
Dis: Avg

Foresville is a rich white suburb of Cincinattie. Jim Hall’s parents were both lawyers in the city and didn’t spend much time with Jim as kid, so he got really into skateboarding. He is still the only black person in forestville history with a skateboarding citation. He started playing football when the judge ordered it after his fifth skateboarding citation. He set a sack record at his high school, and had a sweet dance where he would pretend to do a kickflip over the felled quarterback. He looks forward to coming to Tucson where he can skate year round.

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