March 2007


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The Arizona-Wisconsin BCS Championship Game will be broadcast live over the internet using WebHuddle, it’s open source, and it looks like it should work.

The Game will take place on Tuesday, April 3rd at 6:00 p.m. (PST), and I will post information about how to access it as I figure out the Adobe Connect Software. Please leave a comment with your email or contact info (facebook, etc) if you are interested in getting a media pass.

prod.jpegJason Weaver (Jersey is #3 Seller on Saints Team): “What it do? I just want to give shout outs to my boy Jay-Gib, he gon run it against Wisconsin. We had to go to Green Bay last year and it sucked. Wisconsin is lame. Keep it real y’all and start throwing again.”

dane.jpegDane Wright (Jersey sales have been stagnant, but still #4 on the Lions squad): “Stay calm Casey, you’re getting to do something that I never did. Remember don’t force passes, hand it to Redwood and try to play like everything depends on this game.”

pratrod.jpegPatrick Rodriguez (Reggaeton Artist Hector el Father wore a Patrick Rodriguez jersey in his last video, as a result his jersey is a latino uniform now. He is the #1 selling player in the NFL): “I like where the defense is going, you guys are good, not as good as last year, but you’re solid. Nick Robinson is a straight up superstar. But remember this is Big Ten v. Pac Ten, they hate you, they don’t respect you, they think you are from the wild west where offense rules and defense is an after thought. Take that anger, take that pain and use it to humiliate them. Break arms, bite, kick them in the nuts. You are WILDCATS, now go out there and bring another title back to the desert.”

RPT: Hi Guys

Casey Cook: Hello

Will Higgins: ARRRGHHHHHH What a Rush!

RPT: What are you? in the Legion of Doom?

WH: frrhshfh

CC: He’s just excited.

RPT: Did you trainer give him something?

CC: We have to keep him, sedated during the week.  WE take him off the meds for games.

RPT: speaking of meds, how are you Casey?

CC: Clean as a whistle! And thankfully the National Championship will be in Miami, where there won’t be any temptations.

RPT: Uh, yeah.  So you have a history of choking in big games, what will make this different?

CC: Well, I won a national title last year against Fresno State.

RPT: Most people agree they were not a National Championship calibre team.

CC: Maybe.

RPT: So why the struggle in big games?

CC: Can I be honest?

RPT: Please

CC: In all of those big games, SVSW, etc, I was high as a kite.  Meth, Coke, Heroin, everything.  I was bombed.  My water bottle was pure mescaline and crushed up toads that I got from a Shaman in the Arizona desert.

RPT: But you’re clean now?

CC: You bet! I’m ready for this game.  Wisconsin is the toughest team we’ve played all year, and I think I’m ready.

RPT: How many times do you think you’ll pass?

CC: eight or nine.  Mostly I’ll be running the option and handing off to Redwood.

RPT: Speaking of which, do you think he’ll leave early for the NFL?

CC: If he leaves early it’s to join Greenpeace, or live in Tibet.  The guy is dedicated.

RPT: What will you do after graduation?

CC: Not rehab! HAHAHAHA

RPT: (silence)

CC: Seriously though, I think I’ll go back to Illinois to be a counsellor for troubled youth.

RPT: Riiiiight.

CC: What?

RPT: With all of the respective powders in the world waiting to be snorted and injected, you’re just going to let them go?

CC: Uhhhhh

RPT: Is Lindsay Lohan coming to the game?

CC: She is, but for moral support.

RPT: Well, good luck Casey.

Wisconsin Preview

Tim Easley, QB
WHT
Vineland, NJ
92 OVR

2028 yards, 26 TDs, 9 INTs

Jerrell Johnson
Danville, IL
91 OVR
289/1986, 22 TDs, 2 Fmbles

WR
Jeremy Jones
Flandreau, SD
89 OVR
97 Spd
66/960 9 TDs

Defensive Star
69 Tackles
21 TFL
6 Sacks
3 INT

OL
EVERYONE is OVER 90
RT – 90
RG – 96
C – 99
LG – 98
LT – 92

NERVES

WEIRD
Kicker
5/9 fOR THE SEASON

Rankings
YPT #10
Offense #14
Rushing 8th
Passing 80th

Defense
73.4 RYPG, 4th NCAA
25th OVERALL
21st in SAcks
20th in INTs

Arizona
OFfense
#35
Rushing – 13th
Pasing 66th
PPG – 7th

Defense
#10
Passing 11th
Rushing 22nd

Whoa
1 Redzone FG given up

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Miami, FL – After the Miami Hurricanes were upset by Wake Forest, Arizona vaulted to the #2 Ranking in the BCS and a shot at their second consecutive national title.

But it is not without controversy. Both West Virginia and Fresno State finished their seasons undefeated, and both received first place votes from coaches and media.

If Arizona does win, it will be interesting to see how the voting breaks down.

“It’s an honor and a shock,” said Coach Stoops.  “I did not think this was a national championship team considering the loss to Alabama.  But they pulled it together and somehow made it here.  I’m proud of them.  I can’t believe that Casey Cook might leave here with two national titles.”

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New York, NY – Redwood Haynes was not invited to the Heisman Ceremony in spite of finishing the season with over 2000 yards and 30 touchdowns.  Many speculate the snub was due to Haynes strong environmental beliefs and the Heisman’s strong connections to car manufacturers (in recent years it has been sponsored by Suzuki and Nissan).

“You’re damn right I would have said something,” said Haynes in an interview.  “I would have said this trophy perpetuates one driver one car, unsustainable growth, a lack of support for public transportation, and the growth of gated communities.  It also has done untold damage to our environment and our health.  I spit on the Heisman trophy until it gets it’s integrity back.  And yeah, that’s right, even if I won, I would have smashed it on the ground to make a statement.”

Haynes did win the Maxwell Award and the Doak Walker (both for the second consecutive year), he had no trouble accepted the awards and in both cases pleaded for the audience to switch to CFL light bulbs and try to reduce gasoline consumption.  Haynes was also named First Team All American, and First Team All Pac Ten.

Arizona’s star kicker Jay Gibson took home the Groza Trophy along with First Team All American Honors, First Team All Pac Ten, and First Team Freshman All American.

“Y’all ain’t even announcing the best award,” said Gibson.  “I was named first team All-AFRICAN-American by BET.  I’m the first kicker they’ve had since my man Reggie Roby.  Oh, is the mic still on?  Fuck Da Heisman.”

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