cookucla2016.jpgLos Angeles, CA – We’ve all seen a David v. Goliath scenario where the underdog lands some quick punches and looks like they might actually fell the giant. We see it in the 1 v. 16 matchups in March Madness, certain heavyweight fights, and a couple of playground scraps. On a rainy day in Pasadena, UCLA punched Arizona in the mouth in the first quarter.

Quarterback Eric Douglas completed his first ten passes and picked apart the Arizona defense to give the Bruins a 15 point lead early in the 1st quarter. He finished the game by completing 26/43 for 291 yards and 2 touchdowns.

“He was trying to make us look like a bitch,” said defensive end Nick Robinson who had 2 sacks and three tackles for loss. “And we don’t take too kindly to looking like bitches, so we showed them what happens when you punch a thug in the mouth.”

The Wildcats proceeded to unleash Redwood Haynes, which was expected, but also an accurate Casey Cook – which many didn’t expect.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I was going to start,” said Cook who was 13/20, 272, 2 TD, 1 INT, 1 Rushing TD. “But I was told that Myles V. was pulling for me and that the coach didn’t really have a choice.”

The Wildcats just kept pouring it on as the rain poured down on the field. Redwood Haynes who went for 184 yards and 3 TDs said he was happy to see the rain.

“One of the things I hate about Southern California is that it doesn’t rain,” said Haynes after the game. “People act like it’s a midwestern summer all year, but it’s not, it’s a desert. All those lawns, all those trees are being watered by illicit means. I recommend that everybody look into the history of Water in Los Angeles if you want to learn more. If you’re lazy, just watch Chinatown.”haynesucla2016.jpg

Many believe that Redwood’s outspoken believes about America’s lack of involvement in the environment have caused him to be dropped from the ranks of the Heisman contenders. Leading to speculation that Myles V. and Mike B. might be making a road trip to New York where Mr. B mind find a few “associates” from Atlantic City to “talk” with the Downtown Athletic Club. Which, of course, they will travel to in a hybrid or via public transportation.


  • Mike McIntosh 4/81, 2 TDs
  • Marcus Holbert 4/99
  • Paul Martin 7 Tkl, 3 TFL
  • Nick Robinson 5 tkl, 4 TFL, 2 Sacks
  • Joey Faaeteete 4 tkl,1 INT, 1 TD
  • Jon Floyd 1 Put Ret TD
  • Jay Gibson 1/1 47 yards and was announced that he will take over as the Wildcats punter. “My dong does the work of two men, why shouldn’t I?”


  • Washington upsets USC in Los Angeles.
  • Marcus Adams was brought into the game in the 4th quarter, he had no tackles, made no contact was unspectacular, his “Rudy” moment will have to wait.