Recruit
Tim Christian
#1 FB
Tallmadge, OH
6’0″ 239 lbs
40: 4.6
Field AWR: C+
Vert: 32.7″
HAnds: B
Bench: 360
Squat: 570
Pot: poor
Dis: AVG
Four Stars
Prior to being named Tallmadge, the town was called “Town 2, Range 10″ as a part of the Connecticut Western Reserve. Christian always thought that it was way more gangster to say “T2, R10″ what? And whenever he would play World of Warcraft, or Quake that’s where he would say he was from, and he used the named “Wannabe Drunk” as a screen name. The reason is that until the early 1990s, Alcohol was banned in Tallmadge. That’s right NINTEEN (19) 90s. Recently Alcohol has been permitted for consumption, but it’s not as cool as it could be. Christian always wanted to go to a party school where he could drink light beer and Everclear. When it became clear that Football would be his ticket, he made his decision based solely on which school was best for partying. He visited Florida State but he saw a fat girl passed out near a keg and got scared. He went to Arizona State, but because of all the fake tans he was convinced there was a jaundice outbreak. When he came to Tucson, Will Higgins took him straight to a bar, got him drunk and let him sleep on the bare mattress he keeps in his spare room.

Quinn Scott
#1 OLB
Woodridge IL
6’4″ 229 lbs
40: 4.46
Field AWR: A
Vert: 37.5″
Hands: C
Bench: 405
Squat: 655
Dis: AVG
Pot: AVG
Five Stars
TOP HIGH SCHOOL PLAYER IN THE NATION
Quinn Scott and Greg Moore are known as the Illinois Woodies, as both recruits come from a town in Illinois with the word “wood” in the title.    Woodridge has a number of bike paths that allow citizens to safely ride around town, unfortunately, Quinn never used them.  When he was 6 his father bought him a Hummer Powerwheels – he rode it on the bike paths and would consistently kick over cyclists or throw sticks into their spokes.  Five people were injured, one fatally.  But because even at 12, Quinn was such a football prospect, they let it go.  When he was sixteen, his dad got him a real hummer for his Sweet Sixteen Party.  Quinn proceeded to park the car anywhere he wanted – the middle of football fields, on top of English teachers cars, and inside of a Sears.  But everyone let this behavior go unchecked because they thought he was going to sign with the University of Illinois and bring the program back to glory.  But one day he was watching TV and saw a commercial for a Hummer and it was driving in the desert.  He called up Coach Stoops – who initially was hesitant because he thought that Scott had said “WOODBRIDGE” and the UofA has a strict – No Toronto Gino policy.  But the two talked, Coach Stoops told him about the off road opportunities in Tucson, and he was sold.  Later that week he drove his hummer through a wall at his high school, and took out his Illini letter of intent, yelled ’sike!’ and signed with UofA.  Apparently because of some mixup, Illinois has to pay to replace the wall.

Greg Moore
#1 SS
Homewood, IL
40: 4.39
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 40.4″
Hands: A-
Bench: 370
Squat: 520
Pot: poor
Dis: AVG
Five Stars
ILLNOIS WOOD
Greg Moore was named in honor of the Canadian driver who died in a racing accident.  As long as Greg could remember he has been obsessed with Canada.  Homewood, IL is rich suburb of Chicago that is 18% black, so the high schools have a “She’s All That”-type ethnicity mix.  Moore, black, was always obsessed with Canada and the small, but significant Black population in the country.  He idolized Soca music, Anson Carter, and had his wall plastered with pictures of American CFL Players – men who were living his dream.  He even attended Caribana twice, and managed not to get stabbed.  That only made him love Canada more.  He is going to study History at Arizona, and hopefully do a summer study session at either Brock or Trent.  Arizona’s AD has promised to keep up loaded up with Ketchup Chips, Coffee Crisps, and Mint Aero bars.

Colin Fox
#1 OLB
Humble, TX
6’1″ 223 lbs
40: 4.43
Field AWR: A-
Vert: 37.5
Hands: D
Bench: 380
Squat: 620
Pot: Avg.
Dis: POOR
5 Stars
Five Stars
Humble Texas (pronounced ‘umble) is an oil town that has spawned David Boston and Alberto Gonzalez.  Colin Fox considers them to be the opposite ends of the spectrum of people he looks up to – he likes David Boston because he makes money, plays football, and lifts weights.  He hates Alberto Gonzalez because he’s republican, but more so because he puts people in jail.  Colin Fox had a play group when he was growing up of 15 babies in his neighborhood.  When he was 12, 11 of them were in jail, including seven girls.  Colin Fox has been in front of the court a LOT but his football ability consistently gets him out of trouble.  He led Humble High to a State Title and drew a lot of recruiting interest.  Kansas State was interested and tried to tell him that he wouldn’t have to change uniforms (Humble jacked K-State for style), but Colin thought Purple was played out, and he only liked seeing it in his cup (as a sizzerp).

Darrell Ross
Willowbrook, CA
6’1″ 190lbs
#1 WR
40: 4.16 (yes that’s fast)
Field AWR: C+
Vert: 41.6″
Hands: A+
Bench: 240
Squat: 350
Pot: Avg
Dis: EXCELLENT
5 Stars
Five Stars
Willowbrook is right next to Compton and it is thugged out.  It’s home of the Martin Luther King Hospital which has had problems in accreditation and poor medical treatment.  One time Ross sprained his knee and his father, a former marine, drove him to Cedars Sinai for a medical exam.  He was fine.  Ross grew up in some pretty tough circumstances but his father’s military background and his mother’s devotion to the church kept in line.  He also watched the movie Antoine Fisher 150 times.  He plays to become either a lawyer or a doctor and is using football as an opportunity to get a good education without putting a burden on his parents.  He finished with a 4.0 GPA, tons of community service, and was All City in Basketball, Football, LaCross, Track and Cross Country.  He was offered a full ride to Stanford, Harvard, and Yale (although the last two were shady deals), but chose Arizona because he wanted to be closer to his parents, and hopes to get an internship with Mike B.

Anthony Johnson
#4 MLB
Norton, OH
6’2″ 237 lbs
40: 4.69
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 34.5″
Hands: A
Bench: 455
Squat: 640
WOW!
Five Stars
Norton, Ohio loves two things: football and apple cider. The town used to have an apple cider festival where they actually made apple cider in town, now they bring in the cider from outside sources.  It has also served as an eerie parallel with football.  The team used to create its own talent through children born and raised in Norton, but as the pressure got higher, Norton started recruiting other towns and kidnapping sixth graders who were talented at football.  Anthony Johnson was actually born Johnny Figarelli from Dublin, OH, a very middle class family when the Norton ‘gypsys’ came to his Pop Warner game and kidnapped him, changed his name, and put him with a foster family.  Football became his sole focus, so much so that when he met his birth parents at 17 he tackled both and got a facemask call against his mom for pulling her teeth while tackling her.

Steve Gilmore
#5 RB
Bridge City, TX
6’1″ 252 lbs
40: 4.29
Field Awr: B
Vert: 33.6″
Hands: C+
Bench: 410
Squat: 670
Four Stars

Like [[Keith Allen ]], Gilmore is from Orange County, Texas.  Although unlike Allen, he hates indie rock with all of his heart.  He loves hip hop, especially chopped and screwed.  He first learned about Arizona after going to a concert put on by Dane Wright and Jason Weaver to promote “back up it’s the blackup”.  It was hard, considering that Bridge City only has 0.2% African American.  Gilmore’s high school rap ground was made up of three white guys and a Chinese DJ.  Interestingly enough one of the white guys went to jail for selling drugs, and the Chinese DJ is now studying mechanical engineering at Rice.  But he’s doing it in a ‘thugged out’ way.  Gilmore hopes to study Engineering at Arizona – “that’s right, I hope to engineer some hoes into my bed.”

Scott Anderson
#1 FS
Chicago Heights, IL
6’0″ 201 lbs (JuCo)
40: 4.48
Field AWR: A
Vert: 42.5″
Hands: C
Bench: 365
Squat: 495
Five Stars

According to City Data – there are 53 Sex Offenders in Chicago Heights, giving the town a 592:1 non offender to offender ratio.  Scott Anderson knows this all too well, he was sexually assaulted by an 18 year old white girl named Brittannnii, she weighed 400 lbs at the time and used to be Johnson’s girlfriend.  According to Johnson  “when she was two bills, she was a dimepiece, or I guess, a two dollar piece.”  After the rape, he couldn’t get his head straight and had his scholarship to Notre Dame revoked, he then went to Community College for a few years.    He channels a lot of his rage into football, and hopes to be a counselor for men who are assaulted by white girls.

Mark Horton
#2 MLB
Pottstown, PA
6″1″ 234 Lbs
40: 4.54
Field AWR: A
Vert: 28.9
Hands: C+
Bench: 410
Squat: 670
Five Stars

Pottsville is home to the “Hill School” a fancy boarding school for rich kids that has an endowment of over $126,000,000.  Mark Horton was born to a poor alcoholic father, who pushed him to become heroic football player.  When he was in middle school he was given a shady scholarship to the Hill School – they offered to let him live at home, but he demanded that they let him board.  After a year of screaming while he slept, he started to adjust and dated a girl named Caroline Vandegraff, a rich girl from New York City.  She tried to turn him into an educated, mannered young man, but when he visited her family in New York he saw Lawrence Taylor, flipped the table over ran towards him and give him a big bear hug.  He then called her dad a “pussy” her parents were furious – Caroline loved him even more and has turned down a ‘scholarship’ to Columbia (aka her parents million dollar donation) to attend Arizona to be near Horton.

Shawn Jackson
#3 MLB
Detroit, MI
6’1″ 237 lbs
40: 4.43
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 33.3″
Hands: C
Bench: 425
Squat: 730
Five Stars
Shawn Jackson is from the D, the worst part.  He was raised in an house that was on fire for most of his childhood.  He just lived in the parts that weren’t on fire.  Both of his parents were jailed for selling drugs, then killed in jail.  Government worker came by to pick up Jackson but saw a burning house and thought it was empty.  But Jackson was determined, he used the fire in the house to keep himself warm and to cook the food he stole from garbage cans around town.  He enrolled in school and worked extra hard to make his way through school.  He had three jobs in middle school, made honor roll and was named all city in cross country.  By the time he reached high school he was working four jobs, earning straight A’s and was in Sports Illustrated’s Faces in the Crowd.  He was one of only three males to finish high school alive or not in jail.  He decided to come to Tucson for it’s low arson rate, warm weather, and football legacy.  He plans to study Political Science and hopefully become a Rhodes Scholar.

Julius Jenkins
#2 Tackle
Greenbelt, MD
6’4″ 297 lbs
40: 5.31
Field Awr: A+
Vert: 26.2″
Bench: 500 (WHAT?)
Squat: 690
Five Stars

Greenbelt was created during the New Deal as a public works project.  There is a lot of art Deco around the city that is pretty evenly split between white and black.  Jenkins went to Elenanor Roosevelt High School and was an absolute superstar.  He played soccer, basketball, and football.  Though soccer was his first love, he knew that football was his best chance at a scholarship.  He still kicks on the side, mostly ass.  He hopes to study some sort of government policy so he can bring about “New Deal: Da Return” that will either be a series of government policies, or a hip hop album.

Travis Sledge
#1 Center
6’5″ 295 lbs
Pacifica, CA
40: 5.12
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 28.6
Bench: 505
Squat: 775 (WHAT? WHAT?)
Four Stars
Pacifica is rich, with a beautiful pier, fishing, and surfing.  Travis Sledge is the illegitimate great grandson of former crooner Percy Sledge.  Travis’s grandfather was the illegimate son of Sledge when he boned a white hippie in the 1960s.  Sledge didn’t do very well in school, he spent all of his time lifting weights and surfing.  He once bench pressed a surfboard with a motor cycle on it.  He ran into Cedric Lacey at a surfing competition in Big Sur and he told him all about the Wildcats.  Travis struggled to leave the Ocean, but Lacey said “you gotta see what’s out there, learn to live without the water so that when you go back, you’ll appreciate it even more.  Plus, there are ladies like crazy out here and not stuck up northern California girls, we’re talking loose southern California and Phoenix girls.”  And Sledge was sold.

2 Walkons
Jason Ralph
Camp Verde, AZ
QB
52 OVR
Jason was playing in an intramural flag football league on campus when he was approached by Coach stoops to be the third string quarter.  Though the position will only be temporary, Ralph sees this as a great opportunity to raise his profile with sorority girls, and possibly pick up some leftovers from the real Wildcats.

Tremaine Berg
52 OVR
Oracle, AZ
Tremaine Berg was added a personal favor from Coach Stoops to an old friend.  Tremaine was named after Johnny Tremaine.

Fullback
Drew Alford
Nogales, AZ
62 OVR
Drew Alford was added to the team as part of an initiative by Mike B to create a spot on the team for white kids from Nogales, AZ.  It remains to be seen if it will be a success.

Arizona
#2 Recruiting Class
9 Five Star
3 Four Star

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