Riverdale Palm Trees

Recruiting Map

Recruiting

Matt Jenkins
#1 Guard
Diamond Bar, CA
6’1″
275 lbs
40: 5.16
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 29.7″
Bench: 480
Squat: 690
Pot: Avg.
Dis: Avg.
5 Star

Diamond Bar is pretty much half white, half Asian and used to be the first master planned community in California. Snoop Dogg and Omarion are from here, but Matt is not into hip hop, he’s not into rock. He’s into Cantonese Pop, and Chinese girls…big time. He has a serious Pokemon collection, he loves Anime, Manga, and has only dated Asian girls since a white girl dissed him at a game of spin the bottle in the 5th grade. He was going to go to Berkeley or UCLA, but when he was in Tucson he went a sweet Party by the Asian American Association and picked up a smoking hot Asian girl from Orange County. He’s pretty pumped about their future relationship.

Jamal O’Neill
5’8″ 210 lbs
Aurora, OH
40: 4.41
Field AWR: A+
Vert: 36.9
Hands: A-
Bench: 340
Squat: 555
Pot: poor
Dis: Poor
Wanted to play for a big time coach
Four Star

Aurora is a rich white suburb, where the average income is $78k. Jim Thome and Ty Detmer are residents, but Jamal O’Neill didn’t grow up rich. His father Rondell grew up on East 99th and St. Clair in Cleveland and as soon as he turned 18 he got out of there and just started walking east. His plan was to walk to New York, NY and become a rapper for Children who taught them to be smart. But one day he fell asleep on a park bench in Aurora, and when he woke up, there was Ty Detmer’s father offering him a job as a groundskeeper at the Aurora Golf and Country Club. Rondell got really into groundskeeping and bought a little house right near the course. It was the smallest house on the block, and was pretty much built and priced just for Rondell, so he could live near his job. Jamal grew up thinking that his dad was being patronized by the golfers. And hates golf and golfers with a firey passion. He only listens to thugged out hip hop, and one time he shot a gun when he was visiting his cousin in Cleveland. They were hanging out at the bus station and just wanted to scare some out of towners. Jamal hopes to continue thugging at UofA.

Jeremy McCarthy
#1 WR
Crystal Lake, IL
6’1″ 182
40: 4.16 – A BURNER
Field AWR: C+
Vert: 41.6″
Hands: A+
Bench: 240
Squat: 350
Potential Average
Dis: poor
Prestige Not a factor
Pac Man Jones is his hero
Five Star

Crystal Lake is less than half a percent black. Jeremy McCarthy was raised by a very wealthy, successful retired laywer from Chicago, who moved to the small town to raise her son. Jeremy’s father was a reciever for the Bears who knocked up his mom when she was doing some legal work for him. Once she got that paternity money, she stopped working and opened a small bookstore so she could spend more time with her son. But Jeremey wanted to be a thug so bad, he started a gang called the “Lakerz” and they wore purple and gold. It’s how they identified themselves against their rival gang – the “The Broncoz” – but they used Orange and a brigher blue so they spent a ton of money on ebay getting the right colors from vintage clothes. Jeremy was in and out of trouble for breaking windows, selling tiny amounts of weed that he bought from some old stoner who lived on the outskirts of town, and for release a rap single where he called his Principal a “bitch ass trick.” He has a real problem with authority and has promised to change his name when he turns 18 in October to “Pac Man” in order to honor his hero. He said he wants to celebrate his birthday at Tens, or TD’s East.

Jordan Rodriguez
Bellflower, CA
#2 FB
5’11” 226
40:4.60
Field AWR: A-
Vert: 38.1″
Hands: A-
Bench: 360
Squat: 445
Pot: poor
Dis: Good
Loves Stoops
Mexican, Military Father
Four Star

Bellflower is a lower middle class city in Los Angeles County – pretty much split 50/50 between white and latino. Jordan Rodriguez is actually Jordan Rodriguez IV – the son of Jordan Rodriguez III, a stern man who was born in Nogales, AZ, joined the Marines, won a purple heart in Iraq, then retired to Bellflower where he worked full time and attended USC Law. He eventually graduated and operated a non-profit law firm to protect recent immigrants from predatory lenders. Jordan’s mother was a stay at home mom who raised Jordan and his two sisters. One of his sisters is studying at Yale, and the other is dating Daddy Yankee. Needless to say, the family has a pretty solid favorite ranking. Jordan will join the military upon completion of his degree at Arizona. He is a great kid, who is focused, disciplined, and kind.

Tucson, AZ – With the Arizona Wildcats climbing back onto the path to respectability, it would be interesting to see how they did against a team that loved to kick the Wildcats when they were down. The Oregon Ducks game into this game thinking they might be able to pull some magic and return home with a win and some sorority girl panties.

Unfortunately for the Ducks, those panties will remain in the hands of Jay Gibson, Marcus Holbert, and Brent Robinson as the Arizona Wildcats eeked out a 45-28 victory that was not iced until the final minutes when Arizona scored twice in less than a minute to put the nail in the Ducks coffin.

This game featured a matchup of Pac Ten superstar QBs – Brent Robinson continued his solid play going 16/23 for 278 yards and four touchdowns, while Wesley Dodds, taking his fourth shot at Arizona, was 12/21 for 241 yards with 3 TDs. Though it should be noted that Dodds torched the ‘Cats for 78 yards and ran the option like a pro.

“He is a good quarterback,” said DE Nick Robinson who had two sacks in the game. “But not good enough! Go back to your hippie chicks with underwear made out of pubic hair, that just covers more pubic hair, that covers an Ani DiFranco tattoo! We’ll be in the Hot Tub at Jefferson Star Ranch.”

The game was exceptionally close in the first half. And with 1:26 left, leading by only 3 points, Brent Robinson threw a interception that looked to be the game changer. But a controversial roughing the passer call gave the ball back to the Wildcats and a first down.

“The call was legit,” said Robinson. “He hit me late, we won, shut up.”

After getting the ball back, the Wildcats took a 10 point lead going into the half. But in the 3rd Quarter, Dodds and his scrappy ducks mounted a comeback. And as the quarter ended, they took a chance on a fourth down hail mary that ended up as a touchdown, putting the game within three.

But the young Arizona defense proved too much for the Ducks, who just could not stop the combination of run and pass, and the Wildcats forced 2 turnovers in the final two minutes. Fullback Tim Christian scored another touchdown to ice the game for the Wildcats.

Other Stats

• Bong Bong Fulton made the play of his life – catching the ball with one hand, eluding a defender, then scrambling 80 for a TD.
• Alan Barron 16/91 with 1 TD – shades of a Freshman Redwood Haynes
• Steve Gilmore (True Freshman) 6/32
• Marcus Roberts 5 Pancakes
• Redshirt Freshman Ben Bray continues his incredible season with 7 tackles, 2 TFL, and one sack.
• They had trouble with coverage – see below

Los Angeles, CA – Every now and then you need to take some time from the exciting world of the Arizona Wildcats, and look at real life.  We look at Pac Man Jones.

This poor man is being suspended for an entire season for making it rain on some hoes!  That’s it! He didn’t kill any body, he didn’t raise any pit bulls and have them fight (*cough Michael Vick’s family*), he made it rain and he hung with some thugs.

Jason Weaver, Dane Wright, Patrick Rodriguez, Justin Abdullah and Jay Gibson have all pledged support to Pac Man.

Tucson, AZ – The Arizona Wildcats continue their climb back to respectability with another blowout of UCLA in Tucson. The Wildcats were simply too much on offense and on defense for a Bruin team that seems to just be heading downward.

Brent Robinson, after his horrible horrible game against Stanford came right back going 15/24 for 374 yards and four touchdowns. The reason the yardage was so high was that receivers, including Allan Barron, would catch the ball and break tackles from UCLA’s terrible secondary.

“Yeah, they were pretty bad,” said Robinson. “They are young and learning, and stuff, but man, they are lame.”

Ryan Parrish had another great game, catching six balls for 198 yards and a touchdown.

Defensively, we might be getting a sign of great things to come out of Ben Bray, a redshirt freshman who had 7 tackles, including 2 TFLs. Xavier Henderson pulled in two picks, and Jon Floyd found the endzone AGAIN but this time with an INT brought all the way back.

And, like clockwork, Nick Robinson registered another sack. Making a strong case for All American status.

But the game itself was exceptionally borning, it was a total wildcat domination. Booster Myles V. was in attendance and tried to keep the team humble.

“I saw him in the endzone after I scored,” said Floyd. “He was pretty pissed that I was celebrating. He said that I can’t celebrate until we’re #1, undefeated, and reigning national champs. He said, one loss makes you a loser, three makes you an asshole. I really felt like a jerk.”

Seattle, WA – The Arizona Wildcats had lost back to back games for the first time in a very long time.  And going into this game with Washington, there was a lot of buzz about a serious chance for a third straight loss as the Huskies always play the Wildcats tight and are upset hungry.

Arizona started the game strong with a 60 yard touchdown pass from Robinson to Ryan Parrish, who caught a short pass and then busted it wide open for the touchdown.

“Man you are finally talking to me?” said Parrish who had six catches for 201 yards. “I’m glad that the punkass media has wised up.  But I’m tops baby.”

Unfortunately, Arizona’s ethusiasm quickly abated as Washington started to just pick away with short passes, lucky catches, and first down runs that seemed to come out of nowhere.  The Arizona defense was essentially powerless, and the offense could not move the ball at all.

By the halfway mark of the 3rd quarter Arizona was down 27-10.  That’s when Brent Robinson decided to take over.

“I lost us some big games this year,” said Robinson who went 15/29 for 352 yards with 2 TDs.  “But I told myself, not today.  I just knew we could not lose this game.  Not to Washington, not in front of Jay’s peeps.”

The Jay he was talking about was Jay Gibson, the pride of White Center, Washington who brought a full cadre of people.  But more on him later.

The Wildcats pecked away at that lead, utilizing big passes, short runs, and dump passes to confuse the Washington defense and legendary linebacker J. Burnsides.  With 2:00 minutes left, Jay Gibson was tasked with booting a 48 yard field goal to tie it.  He made it with room to spare, and a rather large section of the stadium went nuts.  Some whitethug even shot off an paintball gun in the air, while his boy make gunshot sounds to make it seems like he was really shooting a gun.  Some security guards were going to kick him out, then they looked at him, and looked at his little paintball gun from Target and just let it go.

“Them cops ain’t got nothing on the Dub-C killa,” said Wesley McIntosh, the white thug in question.  “The Dub-C is real, he was afraid I was going to bust a cap [paintball] in his ass.  What! what!”

With 2:00 minutes left, Washington looked to manage the clock and hopefully force overtime.  But Nick Robinson, who already had 2 sacks, decided to shake things up.  Hitting running backs in the backfield, and swatting down a pass.  Soon it was 3rd and 11 and the clock was stopped.  Washington decided to pass, but Nick Robinson busted through the line and made the sack.

They punted and Arizona took over at their own 45.

Brent Robinson approached the line and noticed the single coverage on Canadian wideout Andy Jackson who was running a flag pattern. He saw that Marcus Holbert was running a cross pattern, which meant unless a safety helped out, he could loft the ball near the sidelines and Jackson would be the only one who could catch it.  He did.

“There were some Canadians here,” said Jackson.  “I had to catch that ball.”

The Wildcats then ran the ball down to the 20, and let the clock run down, and with 2 seconds left, Jay Gibson kicked the game winner to give the Wildcats a 30-27 win.

“This was for the dubbbb c!” said Gibson after the game.  “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life.  I wanted to show Washington what I could do, show this state what I’m ’bout.  I’m heading to the dub C and I’m banging ALL the girls from high school.”

The Wildcats are still unranked, but a few more wins should see them crack the top 25 again.

With a non-conference loss, and two Pac Ten losses, the Arizona Wildcats are in the midst of their worst season of 2011 when they lost four games.  Though that season taught the team a lot about growth, and learning, it also started the record Pac Ten winning streak that saw two classes never once suffer a conference loss.

But the tough season this year has led to some questions about what makes a great team, and why can we point to the 2015/2016 Wildcats as National Champions, what made them great? and why is this team struggling so much?

The easy answer is one man, Redwood Haynes.  When you play this game, you cannot underestimate what it means to have a player who does not have a bad game.  Someone you can hand it off to on 3rd and 6 and he’ll make it happen.  But Redwood was so special because he never got tired, he was always fresh, always breaking tackles, always giving 110%.  He was the reason behind the titles.

Along those lines, you cannot underestimate a proven offensive superstar – guys like Jason Weaver and Justin Abdullah made the game a lot easier.  They were clutch on 3rd and 4th down.   But while they were game breaking, since they were dependent upon the QB, there were times when they could be shut down.

And finally, does a great quarterback really mean all that much? Two national titles with consistent underperformer Casey Cook, and a solid season under converted Athlete Chad Smith show that it might not be as essential as you think.  This year, with Brent Robinson – a purebred QB from New Jersey, the Wildcats have struggled.  2012 featured Dane Wright having the greatest season ever by a Wildcat Quarterback, and while they were a national title calibre team, they could not pull it off.  What makes Dane, Casey, and Chad great was their ability to scramble, and while occassionally it would lead to sacks, just forcing a defense to spy on 3rd and 5 meant that a TE could open up, or if they didn’t spy you could run for those yards.  The immobile Brent Robinson has stretched the field and spread the ball, but when he is off, he has no alternative.

And finally, never ever underestimate a defense.  The Arizona squads of 2015/2016 featured experience linebackers, and a deep secondary that did an incredible job of forcing turnovers.  And while 2017 has a lot of future stars at LB (Quinn Scott) and current legends at DE (Nick Robinson), they are very weak in the secondary and have struggled greatly to have safeties come up and stop the QB.

And then there are in the intangibles, the X-factors: team chemistry.  Robinson is a leader, not so much because he feels the need, but because he feels like he’s supposed to be.  Redwood was a leader, the team would follow him into hell.

And so this looks to be a rough year for the Wildcats,  and they cannot take any games for granted.  They need  to win out to make a bowl game, and Arizona State sits undefeated at #10 – a win there and the Wildcat faithful can still call this season a success because they ruined someone else’s season.  Much like they ruined their own.

Tucson, AZ – In one of those games where you just felt like you were not going to be able to win, the Arizona Wildcats fell to the Stanford Cardinal. Officially starting a new streak for consecutive losses!

There is only one man to blame – Brent Robinson who threw,FIVE(5) interceptions against a Stanford defense that would not quit. They rushed the passer, covered every WR tightly, and just refused to let Arizona make any progress.

“I can’t believe this happened,” said Robinson. “How did I fuck this up so badly? What’s going on?”

His teammates were not supportive.

“It’s all Brent’s fault,” said Marcus Holbert. “I can’t pretend otherwise. He messed up.”

Stanford’s offense was average, but it was their defense that absolutely dominated.

Matt Jenkins, a recruit from DIamond Bar, CA committed to the cats.

The Wildcats are now unranked.

Los Angeles, CA – Without Redwood Haynes and his burning desire to destroy Southern California’s richest private school, the Arizona Wildcats could not keep up with the experience laden Trojans.

Without starting QB Brent Robinson, backup Clarence Howard was thrown to the Lions in his first ever start.  Citing his faith as his main inspiration, Howard went 14/28 for 199 yards and four interceptions.  Four horsemen of the apocalypse, bad luck in Chinese culture, it’s no coincidence.

“They were too strong for me,” said Howard after the game.  “I let so many people down, I just, wasn’t good enough.”

Mormon Children throughout the state, and most notably in Mesa, AZ are converting to Catholocism and Scientology in record numbers.

“He was my hero,” said Danny Smith, an 11 year old from Mesa.  “I saw him and I thought, Mormons can do anything.  Now, after getting smoked by USC, I just don’t know.  Scientologists seem to be doing pretty well in Hollywood, and I guess I should become an actor now. It seems easier than having Clarence as a hero.”

On the ground, USC completely destroyed the Wildcats.  Arizona’s Alan Barron carried 13 times for 73 yards and fumbled twice.  But his USC rival Joe Atkinson was outstanding, going 13/96 1 TD.

USC was also using their backup quarterback, Rasheed Hampton (white) who performed well gong  11/22, 158 and a TD, but he used his legs well too.

“I kept it maaad real,” said Rasheed after the game.  “A white boy named Rasheed has more to prove, and I proved it.  What? You can’t see me!”

But the real killer was USC’s senior filled defense who shut down all aspects of Arizona’s west coast offensive system.  OLB Carl Anderson was a terror with 6 Tackles, 4 TFL, and 2 Sacks, senior CB Ray Marquardt had 5 tackles, 2 INTs.

On the Arizona side, only Quinn Scott played well with 5 tackles 1 TFL, 1 Forced fumble. Jay Gibson 53 yard FG – pretty good game.

Arizona drops to #12

Pac Ten Winning Streak is over after six plus years and 49 games.  There is not one player on the team who can even remember losing a Pac Ten game.

“What is this feeling,” said Josh Diles after the game.  “Losing a Pac Ten game?  We have to call some alumni who were here in 2011.”

Junior Quarterback Clarence Howard will make his first start Saturday against USC. The mormon QB was brought on to fill a spot on the roster while Brent Robinson redshirted. It is the biggest game of his life, and the biggest threat to Arizona’s record Pac Ten winning streak.

Riverdale Palm Trees: Hi Clarence, how are you?

Clarence Howard: To be honest, I’m pretty nervous.

RPT: About the interview?

CH: About everything!!

RPT: Well, how do you usually calm down?

CH: Book of Mormon does me right.

RPT: Well, why not read that now?

CH: I think the chapter on the USC defense is missing. I went to Temple to talk about it, but nobody can give me advice about reading a cover two defense.

RPT: Jason Weaver and Justin Abdullah never got this nervous.

CH: really? What did they do to calm down?

RPT: Hmmm, mostly they hooked up with slutty white girls.

CH: Hmmm, really? Did it work?

RPT: Three Heismans between them. You tell me?

CH: So are you telling me that the way to calm down and beat USC is to hook up with those girls from Coronado?

RPT: I’m not telling you what to do. I am saying that this is the highest profile you’ve ever been, and probably ever will be. This is your chance.

CH: I wonder what the faith would say?

RPT: Well, a long time ago they believed in polygamy, so based on sound reasoning, I think that Joseph Smith would tell you to score with as many girls as you can, while you can.

CH: That sort of sounds right.

RPT: Joseph Smith or Jason Weaver? I can’t remember who said it. Either way, it’s sound advice.

CH: So what now?

RPT: I’m going to hand you this phone number. It was given to me by Jason Weaver, he told me to pass it on to anyone who needed a good time.

CH: Is it a whore house?

RPT: Sorority House.

CH: Which one

RPT: (omitted)

CH: Nice.